Ghost from the Past

I saw Brandon today. There are a few of you who know exactly who I'm talking about. One in particular who probably hopes that I threw a right hook and knocked out 3 teeth and left 4 more dangling. Honestly though, I've yet to hate him. There was a week in the beginning where I was frustrated, but that was it. I've never been one to become angry. It's a waste of my time.

So I saw him.

After all this time, of wondering about how he's doing. After all this time, of hoping that things work out with him and his wife (cause God knows that I don't have the strength to be in his life full time again). All this time of small reminders popping up out of no where of him, leaving me to silently tuck them back into the folds and move on. All this time... and he was right there at the bonsai booth.

When Caleb decided to go fishing this weekend, I had thought that I wouldn't have anyone to go to the Spoon Bread Festival with me. Luckily, I still have my best guy friend Adam to drag along to places. The whole time, Adam had talked about how he wanted to look at the bonsai trees if they had them this year. He was excited about them. Before we left he said that I liked tiny/miniature things because they made him feel like a giant. I thought it was pretty funny.

So we make a circle around all the booths and come upon the bonsais. Small, twisty trees that are, admittedly, pretty neat. Standing next to them, was of course Brandon. I heard his voice before I actually saw him. Heard his laugh. If you've ever met Brandon, you know that his laugh is probably the best thing ever. Once you hear it, your day is 100x better. It's not an option, it's a universal rule.

There was hugging, a small bit of catching up. He pointed out his mom and his sister to me. We smiled. There was a small bit of "I went and saw Eat Pray Love" "Me too!" And then, we went our separate ways.

Of course there was this gigantic pit of "I WAS ONCE IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" inside of me. I remember once that there was this connection between us. Today, seeing him, it wasn't there. I'm kind of glad that it wasn't. If it had been, it would have made the whole thing harder. Walking away would have been killer. To know that in my heart, there was still this connection there with him, separating wouldn't have been on my top priorities. So, yeah, I didn't think I would be glad (back in the day of crying about it nightly) but now I am. Now it works.

I'm glad that I got to see him. It's always disheartening to have someone leave your life that once knew you so well. I most always try to stay friends with my ex's, whenever possible. I don't know if there will ever be a friendship with Brandon. Mainly because of the circumstances that surrounded everything. From us being together, to us not being together. It's unlikely that it'll happen, and at this point, I'm okay with that.