In Moments Of My Greatest Longing

In moments of my greatest longing

My heart reaches out through the separating space

I close my eyes against the world before me

Calming my breath

I slow this speeding body down

In my mind’s eye, I imagine

That you are just before me, carrying out your day

I see you smile and look up

As if you know, that I’m spying on you

Just like the days

When stolen glances were all we had

May 28, 2010

If I Had Saved Every Tear

If I had saved every tear

There could be a river beside my bed

I pour out of my heart

From the wound that you opened up

Repeatedly, repeatedly

I remember mornings in your arms

And tender whispered words

Of us being connected

By strings and cables

Heart to heart

I hope that it’s still true

I hope you feel the same destruction

Every time my world

Goes through an apocalypse

May 23, 2010

Before I Turn 21

Alright, I think that Kayla was the only person to ever see this list when I had my old blog, so I decided to move it here. As you can see, progress is slow. Some things are obviously out of reach, while others require the cooperation and assistance of other people, but it’s getting there. I’m glad to have been able to cross as much off as I have. Honestly, after I got my Monroe piercing, I didn’t know if I was going to cross anything else off for a really long time.

Before I turn 21:

· Have sex with both genders

· Smoke pot

· Learn to shoot a gun

· Get my license for conceal and carry

· Live in an apartment

· Skinny dip

· No “adult” road trip

· Purchase something from an “adult” store

· Do a shot

· Make a sex tape

· Get a tattoo

· Get a piercing somewhere other than my ears

· Sing onstage (not in a play)

· Finish the first draft of a book

· Play the lottery

· Learn to drive a stick-shift

· See a band I love in concert

· 24 hour movie fest

· One night stand

· Cliff dive

· Own really expensive shoes

· Spend a week in Florida

· Use a tanning bed

· Use an entire roll of duck tape in one day

· Get a Brazilian wax

· Go to the Burning Man festival

· Vacation in Hawaii

· Have a complete spa day

· Go to a Rocky Horror show

· Sell my artwork to strangers

· Have “public” sex

· Visit Mexico

· Go to Mardi Gras

· One whole day of nothing but making love

· Nude beach

· Have a threesome.

Other news includes: Summer has finally started. I love all the down time that I’m having right now. It would be nice to have a job, though. I’m sure that I’ll become insanely bored soon and be running up the walls. A job would also mean monetary funds, which would be nice. Cause, I’m sure every college student has a love of spending money. I’m going to keep a look out for that job. When I see it, I’ll harpoon it and mount it on a wall like the trophy I’ll pump it out to be.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

I’ve sadly had to come to a recent conclusion. After years of listening to guys sing me love songs over the airways, and believing that they must have really loved someone to have written those songs, I’ve had to admit it to myself. Guys write love songs to get laid.

There I said it. I’m no longer going to disillusion myself by thinking that such beautiful songs are given to the world for the soul purpose of expressing the wonderful feelings of love that a guy might feel for a lady. I’m no longer going to let myself swoon when I hear a carefully planned John Mayer song. This trickery must end in my life.

I feel sad accepting this idea though. I still kind of want to cling to the hope that somewhere out there, some wonderful man has actually taken the time to fall in love and write a caring song for his wife. This prefect man, who felt so much love that he had to tell the world with a song how much this woman meant to him.

Yeah, I know. Good luck finding that song, right?

In other news though, I’ve now finally completed my first year of being a full time college student. I’m so glad to have 4 months of relaxation for summer break. Of course, I may not get to relax that much, since I need to get a job and such. But that isn’t going to ruin my parade.

We’ll see what this summer holds for me. There’s no telling what kind of trouble I can find to get into. With April by my side for a whole lot of it (Cause I’m gonna drag her around with me, of course.) we’re going to gallivant all over the place.

The End of the Semester

When Friday ends, an milestone will have passed. I'll have completed my first year of college, and the thought itself is an exciting one. Some much has changed this year. Friends have been made along with some pretty amazing memories. Looking back, I can't believe how worried I was during the summer before the year started.

While I admit that I could of studied more this year, and that in some respects I wish that I had, I'm happy with the grades that I've made. I could have done worse, like flunk out my first semester. But I've stuck it out and have even made the grades that I needed to keep my scholarship. I'm proud of myself and for how far I've came this year in that respect.

I'm looking forward to this summer and what it will bring. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan, I'll be moving in with April this summer in Richmond. I can see this being an awesome experience! I absolutely love April, she's such an amazing person to be around and I can see her and I being great roommates.

I still haven't gotten a job just yet, but hopefully that will all change in a few days. I've been putting in applications in like crazy. I have my fingers crossed that someone will call me back soon. It'll make moving into an apartment with April a whole lot less stressful.

I'm seeing a change in myself after this year. I believe that I've grown up exponentially, evolving into a more mature young woman. I see pauses before my actions, instead of hasty judgement that had been my curse so many times before. My words to others are often time more gentle than they would have been only a few months ago. I hope that I continue to grow in such ways.