Sound-off 7-31-10

Today, I have a few things to talk about. Things that have bothered be in the past, and today have finally retched a boiling point. None of this is directed at my lovely readers (a whole...two?).

First - Over Sharing.

Oh, I haven't talked to you for a few years. A chance to catch up with people that you were acquaintances in high school is a hard one to pass up. I miss the people that I once saw everyday. Not just those that I was particularity close to, but those that were friends of friends. Those that sat with me at lunch, but always at the other end of the table. But still, they were part of that experience, and I miss them all the same.

There is a point, upon catching up with someone, that you can over share. I don't mind you talking about the 9 month baby boy that you have. I love babies! I don't mind hearing about your new tongue piercing, I'm a proud supporter of piercings. Oh... um.... you're thinking about getting your lady part pierced? Um.... good for you?

How the hell are you SUPPOSED to respond to that? From someone that you were never close to before, nor have you talked to in over a year, maybe even two?

Though... I often feel like perfect strangers over share with me. I must have a nurturing face and a "tell me your problems" personality.

Second - That one family member....

My (extended) family does certain things together. We celebrate births (and birthdays every year after that), accomplishments, holidays, etc. together. There is ALWAYS a reason for my family to get together and eat. Always.

We all make the greatest effort to come to each and everyone of these events, no matter who the family member is that if hosting. We all bring food so that the host doesn't have to work so hard. We smile, tell stories, spend time together, talk and just... be a family.

Honestly, a few years ago when I was a sulky young teen, I hated this about my family. These days, I love it. I'm a happier person now, and truly miss these people. So, when one family member NEVER shows up unless it's a major holiday, I get kind of mad.

My dear cousin, who was once one of my closest friends, never comes to anything except Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's not like she lives hours away. No, just in Greyhawk. It's not like she doesn't have a way to get there. My family has been known to go out of there way to pick people up to come to family gatherings. Besides, she has a car.

No, she just doesn't come. She gets all upset when we have family events, cause she says that no one tells her. But they do. She says that she doesn't have the money for gas. But she works every day almost and basically sits around at home when she's not working. (By the way, she lives with her fiancé and his mother. I'm sure they help out with the bills and such, but it's not like she's making house payment.) I suspect that what money she does make, is spent on useless things with no thought of the future.

So now, we really have stopped telling her about things. We've stopped expecting her to show up to stuff, while still complaining about how she doesn't ever come. She's pretty much became the black sheep of the family. But really, I wish she'd just show up every so often.

Tomorrow she's gonna miss our Grandfather being baptized. It's not something that happens everyday. It's not something that will ever be celebrated ever again. And she's gonna miss it. I understand that she works tomorrow night. But... this feels like something that she should have put a little more effort to be part of. Even if she doesn't believe in God.

Letters to the lost

Hello,

Today was the first time that I went hiking without you. I had about as much fun as I always had before you came along, though there were moments where I thought of you. That mountain is riddled with pieces of you. Every bench, several stones and a handful of random places of dirt hold you within them. I wanted to just curl up at the top, in that spot where you once laid down and got someone's old popcorn stuck to the back of your shirt. Those jerks.

It was wonderful receiving word from you this morning. Each word was read exactly how I imagined how it would sound if you were to be sitting beside me, speaking slowly. Two sentences and a link, taken into me over and over. I cried when I read them. I've cried again, every time I went back to see them.

Things I wish I'd put in my returned message:

- I'm so glad that you still think about me.

- I'm sorry that things are the way they are now.

- Hopefully, we'll get to talk again someday.

- There is so much I wish I could tell you.

- Seeing you call me Ms. Adair made me miss you a whole lot.

I hope that there are more messages to come. Truly though, I rather doubt it. I know how you are, I came to know you well enough. You'll put your all into making things work. I do wish you luck, half heartedly at least.

I still wonder about how your interview with the airforce recruiter went. You never did tell me about it and I've had it on my mind since that morning. I doubt you even realize that you never told me about how it went. There was a lot of changes that went on that day.

There finally was a poem written about you, in some sense. It's probably not one you'd like to claim about you. Not an angry poem, but kind of a sad one. But it's there, for eyes to read.

Slowly, I'm letting go. Letting go of your laugh, your smile, how your hands feel pressed against me, of the rhythm of your voice, letting go of it all. I learned a long time ago that hold on to these things wont help me in the long run. But it's only been a week, so it's slow going.

I'd rather you be a friend than a ghost of a memory.

Sorry for the moment of weakness,

Maggie

New Philosophy

Alright guys, new game plan. From now on out, I'm only gonna date guys that are 100% single. I've been told that this will lead to less complicated relationships. I wouldn't know, I'm just going by what I've been told. It's worth a try I guess.

But really, in all honesty, I'm slowly beginning to agree with April in that, an open relationship is just one step away from a broken relationship. Someone's gonna get the raw end of the deal. Most likely more than one person, but someones gonna get it worse of all. I would like to claim that award, two "relationships" running now. Maybe even three if you want to count Adam.

This is what I've observed about open relationships. They work perfectly, if no one involved gives a shit about anyone else involved. See, emotions make this a sticky operation. Someone's gonna care more than someone else, most often about someone else entirely.

The Open Relationship Proposer are often just greedy yet jealous bitches. (So far, I've only ever ran into OR's where the Proposer was the female. I've yet to see a guy that has successfully been a Proposer to a working OR.) The Proposer is looking for something new, but at the same time afraid to let go of the stability (also sex, money, status) of their relationship. To achieve this "something new" they implement the OR.

While the Second Party may meet this new idea with hesitation and doubts, as they should. The Proposer though, will assure the SP that this is not a break up, but a new way to explore their options. Perhaps even suggest that it's away to spice up their relationship. The SP may feel that if they don't go along with the Proposer that the relationship will end. Through pressure, they are broken down by the Proposer and eventually give in to the idea.

Or they may just be excited about getting to sleep with more people. Either way, they agree.

In the beginning, it'll be exactly just as it was. The Proposer, while looking, will most likely not venture out too early on. The SP is comforted by this and convinces themselves that they're alright with the arrangement. They are also given the assurance that they're are free to date others outside the relationship as well. Time passes, and slowly, the Proposer will begin to start to date others.

The length of this next stage is determined mainly by the SP. The Proposer will continue on, not truly realizing the mess that they've created. They become more and more unattached to the SP, while not necessarily more attached to any others. They become comfortable in this zone of delicate stability. They are free to do as they please, but are still given foundation of a relationship. They will stay in this zone as long as possible.

It is up to the SP when this is ended. The SP has at this point convinced themselves that they're okay with this, at least to the point that it doesn't sound like a lie when they talk about it with others. They themselves have decided to venture outside of the established relationship. They are cautious about who they pick, for they don't want to offend the Proposer.

Sadly, it most likely wont matter in the end who they pick, the Proposer will not like it in the least. If more than 3 dates happen between the SP and the Pick, the Proposer will notice and keep an eye on the happenings. Depending on if sex occurs and the time the SP and the Pick spend together, feelings my develop. The Pick will, in many ways, begin to offer what the Proposer has taken away with the OR.

Threatened, the Proposer will start to demand more time with the SP. Shoving them back into a more monogamous relationship, while never actually ending the OR. The SP though, will continue to see the Pick, because a bond has been established there. The Proposer will then decide to make a more dramatic step, demanding exclusiveness within the relationship.

Forced with the demand, the SP will feel rushed and cornered. Typically though, they will chose the Proposer, because of the established history. The Pick, sadly, never has any say in the matter.

Here, a more typical pattern will emerge. The newly Exclusive Relationship will be stressed in the first moments of it's life. Neither will want to upset the other, wanting to "make things work". In time things will become comfortable. The SP will settle in and believe they made the right choice. The Proposer, though, will remember the freedom and become restless again.

This pattern will continue, till the SP either becomes fed up, or the Proposer finds their own Pick, which they feel would make a better ER. Either way, this specific ER is doomed to fail. It's only a matter of time.

Remember kids, an open relationship is just one step away from a broken relationship.

A Lovely Fourth of July

Yesterday started out like a normal Sunday. I was awakened early by my mother and attended a Sunday morning church service. Because of events earlier in the week we hadn't made our normal trip to the groceries, so that was solved after church.

Around 5, Caleb came over for dinner. I'm always happy when he comes down and spends time with me. You should see the smile that I have when he interacts with my family. My Dad really likes him, I've come to believe. In the past, it was never really important to me if my family liked

the guys that I was interested in. Now though, its almost a relief that they do.

After dinner we headed off to Berea to meet Silas, Wendee, and Messina at the Pinnacles. Silas, like always, was late. But, we knew he would be. Caleb and I even made bets on the way there on just how late we thought he'd be. He showed up remarkably close to when he was supposed to be there, but turned around and left because he wanted beef jerky.

Hiking with Silas is a whole lot different than when it's just me and Caleb, or just me and anyone really. He likes to set the pace, and the pace is fast and without stops. It was hard on me to keep up, to the point that I really stopped trying. I think Caleb sensed this and walked me behind me, keeping me company and not letting me be the last in the line.

We got went down the wrong trail at first, for about a mile, till the trail decided to just come to a dead end. I do take the blame here, cause really, I didn't think the end to the other trail at the West Pinnacles would be a good place to watch. While it's one of the highest points, the trees are still a little higher. (I was right once we got up there.)

When we did go to the other trail, we ended up climbing on top of rocks. Let me put this into perspective. Out of the five of us, 3 are afraid of heights. Caleb though, being the guy that he is, still climbed as high as he could. If only because Silas and Messina did. Wendee and I though, climbed to the second highest rock and then had to be helped up by the boys. Neither of us were happy about being up that high.

Now, I had said that the tree tops were higher than the rock, and I wasn't lying. For the most part, our view was obscured by the trees. The fireworks that we did see were the big ones, and we had more of an... aerial view.

Coming off the rock, I almost fell to my death. Silas and Caleb caught me though, so everything's

okay there.

Walking back (in the dark) we all had a flashlight a-piece (Wendee somehow ended up with Caleb's lantern). About 5-10 minutes down the trail, we hear voices, but I couldn't see anyone. A few seconds later, we came upon a couple that had be caught without flashlights and had been trying to hike down by the light of their cell phones. We took them in and promptly forgot that they didn't know us (Well, the guys did. I was aware the whole time). Several paces down the

trail Silas decided to begin asking questions like, "Would you give up

2 inches on your Johnson for a few million dollars?" "Would you rather lose an arm or leg?" and so on and so forth. I don't think the random couple we picked up will ever visit the Paddy Wagon.

The end of the night found us at Sonic. We had had a good night. All were happy and left with plenty of memories.

I still want to see fireworks though.