The Dilemma With Facebook

It's not much of a secret these days that Facebook is a popular site. I myself spend many a bored moments on it in an attempt to waste time. It works too, the website is probably the best way to make the minutes pass by. With all the applications, games and pages to view, it's easy to get swept into the maze that is Facebook.

One shouldn't forget, however, that the most integral part of Facebook was the soul purpose that it was created, to keep in touch with friends both old and new. But with such a large user base these days, I've found myself faced with a problem. There are many people on the site (nice people too, I might add) that request my friendship.

For one reason or another, I don't particularity want to add any of these people. That odd kid from my politics class? Nope. My mother's best friend? Um... No. All the 13 year olds that have my mother as a teacher and think that it would be "cool" to add me? N.O. My mother in general isn't even on my friends list guys. I mean... really.

As public as Facebook is, I still feel like I should have a wall between me and most of the rest of the world. I try to not add family, but I do have my exceptions, like my dad's side of the family that lives in Kansas, Texas, and various other places. I never see them, nor do they have much opportunity to see me. So yeah, I have them added. Other than a "Did your mom try to kill you?!" comment from my aunt when I got a new piercing, they don't tend to cause me too many problems. Then again, mom always claims that they're a wild bunch anyway.

And not to get me wrong when I start this paragraph, but I love my church family. They worry about me and show concern when others don't get it. They're wonderful people with good intention. That being said, I'm not much of a.... good kid. I do lots of wild unpredictable things that they don't.... understand. I try to only have my youth group friends added, they seem to be the most understanding. Which, honestly, isn't surprising since they too are growing up in the world that I am (though I'm pretty sure they're making a harder attempt at not drinking and having sex and such.)

Of course, I have a separation between what goes on the internet and what happens in my life. I mean, I don't doubt I'd be seen in a much different light if I posted my every step online (even though April and others may get micro updates when stuff happens). I do sensor myself as well, because I honestly don't know who's looking and who will say what to who-else. So I keep my "fucks" and "oh shits" to moments where I feel that the right audience may receive them, i.e. not on Facebook.

But honestly, Facebook makes me feel odd. While staying connected to people I knew in high school is amazing, they're not ... my closest friends anymore. The stuff I tell them now, isn't going to be the same stuff that I used to tell them sitting in the hall ways of my old high school. I feel odd talking to people that once called me often and they say something along the lines of "I miss you! We never talk!" And I know that the loss of communication is two sided, but they're automatically made me feel like the guilty party.

I'm all about moving on, becoming a new person and discovering myself. I also feel like there are tons of people on my friends list that don't see it that way. They miss high school. It doesn't matter why, either they feel like it was a simpler time and their glory days or they haven't found anything to really like about life afterwards. They simply don't want to move on and by trying to keep in communication and "reminding me" of how much fun we used to have in high school, they're trying (without realizing it) to hold me back as well.

There are days when I want to delete most of my 400+ friends on Facebook and just keep the ones that are in the here and now. The ones that I love and cherish the friendship and connection that I have with them. Maybe I'm too nice of a person to delete people from my past. Maybe I fear that I'll hurt their feelings if they ever realized that I had removed them. Maybe in a few years, Facebook wont be the "IT" site, and I'll be even more selective with who I let in.