I want to make a list of the things that I look for in a potential husband. The ideal list of what would make a relationship work in my eyes. This list would hold ideas and aspects that I’ve zeroed in on in that past, what I’ve liked in others or what they lacked that I discovered that I needed them to have. I want to make this list more than anything.
The problem though, is that I’ve started to see this list as unfair to those that might have any interest in me at all. It’s not their fault that they don’t measure up to the standards that I’ve set up. And I’ll admit, the standers I have mentally listed are rather high. When I haven’t made the list, having high standard seems fine. But as soon as they are listed before me, I fear that I’ll appear to be some kind of snob. Someone that just isn’t happy to settle.
As a child growing up, you’re told that you should strive for your best. That settling isn’t good, nor should it ever be an option. Age and experience though, has taught us that sometimes you have to settle, that the best just isn’t achievable. It’s awful to admit this to yourself, after having it hardwired into your mind. It feels like failure, and to some extent it is. You’ve failed to reach the ultimate goal, so you’re just going to settle for something less.
You have to know your limitations though. It would be unrealistic for me to decide and plan to marry only someone of royal bloodline. It just isn’t going to happen. I mean, royal bloodlines just aren’t that easy to come by these days. Even when they were, it wouldn’t have been realistic for someone of my position to demand only a prince.
So, maybe if I admit my limitations and know what is unrealistic for me to achieve, making a list might work. If I knew what I could realistically seek for in a partner, there would be no reason for me to settle. No risk of failure.
Now, I realize that this list will change. I’m only human and my wants and desires fluctuate. This realization is almost panic worthy. What if, I draw up a list, find someone that fits what I’ve outlined perfectly and then, my desires change. I don’t feel as if it would be fair for me to ask this person to change with my desires. I don’t want to change someone, I want to desire them for who they are.
This list I have in my head isn’t something that I would demand a partner to fit perfectly. That really would be asking too much. But it’s a set of ideals that I’ve cultivated so far. Once again though, I truly have to wonder if I’m being fair for setting those ideal up. I can’t guarantee that I’ll even like someone that fits those ideals in the long run. Having these ideal aspects wouldn’t guarantee that I’d want them for a partner.
The question then stand, is this list even fair to me? Would I be excluding individuals that could potentially be compatible with me? In the end of all of this, I have to worry about me. It does me no good to set up this ideal list and then worry about how it will affect others. Truthfully, I don’t know how a list like this would affect me. It could be an amazing thing. Or it might just be the worst idea I’ve ever had. But it’s hard to resist the temptation of saying, “This is what the perfect man would be like.”
1 comments:
I think you SHOULD have a list. I just do. I have a list. Actually, I had a list when I was younger of all the quircky things I wanted my future mate to have. I made it because I DIDNOT want to ever get married. I thought the weirder I made it, the less likely I would ever get married. Then low and behold, I found someone that fit all of those qualities. But it didn't work out. (And no, I'm not talking about David, because he fit NONE of those qualities. lol.) So then I realized that making a list like that, was a bit silly. That just because someone fit such superficial things did not mean that they would be a match for me. Now, with David, I settled. I really did. Ask anyone. He was nowhere near what I liked or wanted. Anyone else I would have kicked to the curve at like date number 2. But I was older. I wanted a mate. So I settled. And we see where that got me. After him, I made a new list. It is compromised of only five things. None of them quircky or superficial. I do intend to follow this list. They are important traits for my potential mate to have. I don't think making list will knock you out of great guys, as long as you only stick to the most basic and most important things. And I do not, under any circumstances, think you should ever settle.
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